Almost Honest
by McDreamy.x
Summary: Meredith left after addison showed up, set six months later what happens when she is tired of running
1. Chapter 1

_Almost Honest _

_So in the meantime  
You'll be resting on my mind  
For the last time  
I will leave myself behind  
In the evening  
Raise a glass and tell some lies  
Make a pass, impress another girl,  
She was easy on the eyes_

She was easy  
And so was I

My reflection  
In the window when I ride for Chicago  
She is on the other side  
Take a picture  
Write a letter to my love

Well I was almost honest  
I was almost honest

Been a long time  
Since I've lay with you in bed  
Conversations, full of words you never said  
I got your message  
But I didn't hear the ringing bell  
I gave into the loneliness  
But I didn't give them nothing else

Which direction  
Down this highway that I ride to Atlanta  
She is on the other side  
Take a picture  
Write a letter to my love

I was almost honest  
Well, I was almost honest

Yeah, Oh oh oh Hmmmmm

My reflection  
In the window when I ride  
Could not save us  
But I swear to God I tried

Take a picture  
Write a letter to my love

I was almost honest  
But I was almost honest  
Cause I was almost honest

Derek Shepherd was not the type of guy to fall in love. Ever since his first wife Addison he swore that he would never fall in love again. Seattle was his fresh start, until he met Meredith. She took his heart the first time he saw her. They had a great couple of months being a couple. But then it all came crashing down, Addison showed up.

It took him ages just to get Meredith to talk to him, but when she did they only words she could get out were "I'm leaving, don't try and find me,"

Derek never understood why she would do this to him. Addison and he were divorced. He just never got round to telling her that, when he turned up at her house that night Izzie said that she was gone all she left was a note.

_Derek,_

_I am sorry for leaving you, but you hurt me when you never told me about your wife. I thought we were past the stage of secrets. The thing that hurts the most was that tonight I was going to tell you that I loved you, no change that I love you with all my heart. Its just I need time to think to process it all, but if you love me the way I love you, you will give me time and not try and find me because if you do then I will keep on running._

_I love you so much._

_Meredith_.

You could tell she had been crying because of the smudges on the paper.

That night Derek drowned his sorrows in joe's, he was empty.


	2. Chapter 2

It had now been six months since Meredith had left her home. She was working at New York General, she thought of Derek every day, she missed him so much. NYG was ahead of Seattle grace; Meredith was now a second year resident in neurology, she was showing a promising career.

Meredith drowned herself in work, she had tried dating but every time she tried, she felt like she was cheating on Derek.

She had now been celibate for six months, not just with men but also with alcohol.

She missed her life.

Meredith was awoken from her thoughts when her pager bleeped; it was the chief of surgery.

She got up and dragged her heals to his office.

"Dr Grey, come in," he boomed

" Yes Dr Slone,"

"Seattle Grace has just contacted me, apparently you are wanted,"

"What?"

"Well since their neuro resident has just left, they heard about New York Generals best resident and well they said they want you, money not an option,"

"Well… ok I guess I will take the offer,"

"ok I will get on your transfer right away,"

"thank you sir,"

Meredith nearly ran out of the room and threw up in the nearest trash can.

Derek was not in a good mood, first his patient had died on the table, then an intern spilled coffee on him and then he heard about a second year resident transferring from New York, he was not happy.

He was walking down the halls of SGH when he was paged to conference room three,

When he walked in the room was filled with most of the surgical staff. All of a sudden the door opened and reviled bailey's interns all looking pissed.

"This better be good I missed surgery," Yang muttered

"I was in the middle of s.ex," Izzie said

"so was I," Alex commented

"Ok I don't need to hear about your sex lives," bailey said from behind causing them to jump.

The chief then walked through the door, with a familiar figure.

"is that Meredith," George said

"I think it is,"

"oh my god,"

"ok folks the reason I gathered you all here today was to introduce our new neuro resident, Dr Grey, many of you all no her as one of baileys interns but since NYG is ahead of us , so now she is the boss of some interns,"

Derek didn't say anything he was just frozen, staring into her eyes, she was looking right back at him.

"Dr Grey would you like to say anything,"

"uhm… I'm glad to be back,"

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	3. Chapter 3

Meredith's day had went by like a blur, George was assigned to her service, they had yet to sit down and talk. They had scrubbed in on a craniotomy with Dr Smith, a neuro attending, after she had finished she had put George on post op, although she didn't want too. She had still not talked to they reason she had came back.

It was now coming to seven and she was headed towards the resident locker room.

When she was approached by bailey,

"so I have heard you have flew solo many times even though you are only a second year resident,"

"Yes when I was at NYG I threw myself into work, I quickly learned advance procedures that I was not meant to know, but I did them anyway, they chief of surgery there said he was going to push for me to become a third year resident quicker than usual, so he started letting me perform procedures of my own, and well the rest in history,"

"Wow so now when one of my suck up is assigned to you then will be in your or, not Dr Shepherd or Dr Smith,"

"Yeah,"

"Well congratulations,"

"Thanks,"

" I just hope you speak to a certain head of department soon,"

"Don't worry that's is were I am headed,"

Meredith looked around the hospital for Derek, checked the OR bored and every on call room yet she couldn't find him. Then she thought about the look he gave her in the conference room, the look of pain and desperation but also the look of love. So she headed to the once place she knew he would be Joe's.

As she walked threw the doors of Joe's, she looked for his thick head of hair but it was no where to be seen.

So she approached the bar to speak to Joe.

"Hey Joe had Derek been here tonight?"

"Yes he has just went to the bathroom he said he would be right back,"

"Well ok,"

"Can I have a glass of water?"

"What's this Meredith grey drinking water, I'll be dammed,"

"I'm a changed woman,"

"Well good for you,"

They were interrupted in their catch up with a figure sitting down next to them still in his dark blue scrubs.

"I'll go and get your drink," Joe said.

They sat silent for a few minutes.

Meredith broke this silence,

"You know I never intended to leave for ½ a year,"

"What,

"Yes I took a leave of absence for a month; I was then going to return,"

"Then why didn't you?"

"When I reached New York their chief of surgery made me an offer I couldn't refuse,"

"Oh so I see you met mark,"

"how do you know him?"

"He is my Best Friend,"

"Oh My God,"

"He was there for me when I found Addison cheating; he helped me through it all,"

"Really, well he seemed nice,"

"Did he make a pass at you?"

"nope,"

"I'm surprised he is a New York's Biggest Manwhore"

"So what have you been up to since I left?"

"Well I became very focused on my work, I never dated and well Addison she left for L.A., you?"

"Well I too became very focused on my work, I went on dates but every time I did I felt like I was cheating on you, so I became celibate, I haven't touched men or booze since,"

"Wow, all that for me,"

"Yes,"

"Look Meredith I know that our relationship is complicated but I want you, no in fact I need you,"

"Look Derek I need you too but I need you too look at these before we do anything, she handed him a pile of letters,"

"what are theses, they are letters there is about 180 there I wrote one to you everyday, Derek I have been totally honest with, I've only been almost honest with you,"

"What?"

"Just promise me you will read the letters and when you have you will call me,"

"I promise,"

Once Meredith left Derek got straight to work on reading those 180 letters.

Letter No 1 said

Dear Derek

Today I found out I was pregnant, we're having a baby. I'm so excited, I just keep thinking of this little life me and you have created that I am caring inside of me, I can't wait to see you,

Love Meredith

Letter No 20

Dear Derek

Even though I am only 27 days pregnant I am starting to get a baby bump! I can't believe it. I got my first sonogram today, I wished you had been there it was amazing to see our bundle of joy on the screen. I'm currently in NY just now and I'm loving it.

See you soon love Meredith.

Letter No 90

Dear Derek,

When I went for my check up today, the room echoed with the baby's heartbeat tears filled my eyes, I wish you were here. I also found out we are having a girl, she is going to be daddies little princess.

Love

Meredith

Letter No 120.

Dear Derek,

Yesterday I lost our baby, I was in a car accident and a metal pole went through my stomach and hit the baby, I was In surgery for hours, I have a scar up my stomach, I it feels weird not being pregnant, I feel empty.

Love Meredith

Tears were streaming down Derek's face.


	4. Chapter 4

_Letter No 160_

_Dear Derek,_

_I have fully recovered from my car accident, I have been seeing a shrink and she says I am getting better, I can't sleep at night because I need your arms and also I keep having dreams about our baby. I have a huge scar up my abdomen which our chief of surgery will try and remove. The pain of missing you gets bigger and bigger every day._

_I love you_

_Meredith x_

It was now 2am in the morning and Derek had not left Joe's yet, he had just finished reading letter No 180 and tears were streaming down his face.

"You alright man?" Joe asked

"She was pregnant with my baby, we were having a daughter, but she lost it, and she went threw so much pain and suffering all by herself, and it was all because I wasn't there,"

"look man she may have lost the baby even if you were there,"

"I know but at least I could have protected her,"

"I know,"

"I have to speak to her,"

"Don't you think it is a bit late?"

"It is never too late,"

Once Derek reached Meredith's house, he saw her lights were still on and she was on the couch eating Ben & Jerry's © Ice Cream.

He gently knocked on the door.

When Meredith answered the door he could tell she had been crying.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry,"

She started crying again.

He enveloped her into a hug,

"Derek I'm the one who should be sorry,"

"No Meredith you don't get to say that, none of this was your fault, losing the baby was an accident, you have to understand all of this is my fault, I should have told you about Addison, I should have been there for you during your pregnancy, running out to get your cravings at ridiculously early times in the morning, that should have been me,"

"Derek, I love you,"

"I love you too,"

"But even though I missed you so much I don't know if I am ready for you to be in my life just yet, so I say we start off as friends and see what happens, ok?"

"Just friends?"

"Just friends,"

"ok well as a friend I say you get to bed and stop eating that junk at 2am,"

"That advice sucks, goodnight Derek,"

"Night, Meredith,"

He kissed her head and left.

The next day Meredith was awoken to the sound of her alarm blaring, she didn't have to be in until 9. She had not spoken to her friends yet, but from what she could tell they were pissed at her. Cristina had not talked to her yet and Izzie, Alex and George had said very little to her.

When she went down to the kitchen she found a note on the table.

Gone to work-

Iz and George

She made herself toast and coffee and grabbed a shower before leaving for work.

When she reached work she found out she had a spinal reconstruction at 2 and her intern would be Cristina.

When she was walking to the nurse station she bumped into Derek,

"Hey," she said

"Hey,"

"So I hear you have spinal reconstruction at 2, need any help?"

"Well if your schedule is free I could sure use the hand in my OR,"

"Oh so you own this hospital now do you,"

"Shut up at least I don't listen to crappy music in the OR,"

"That was a very low shot,"

"Don't you know,"

She saw Cristina approaching her,

"Duty calls see you at 2,"

"Morning Dr Yang,"

"Oh don't try and act all processional with me, just because you are now my boss doesn't mean I will be nice to you , I am pissed and I need to know what happened how could you leave without telling me,"

"I … don't know,"

"that's what I thought,"

"I have a spinal reconstruction at 2, do the pre op notes on the patient then scrub in,"


End file.
